One of the most difficult house searching questions is “Should my parents come with us to look at houses?” This question is such a struggle for so many.
Where do you draw the line? Add in another dimension, if you’re buying with a significant other, and there is the potential for two sets of parents to be involved in the process. This means you’ve gone from having two people that need to agree (which can be hard enough) to six people giving their two cents.
Is there a ‘right’ way to navigate this?
Some parents may be offended if you don’t involve them, and others have a way of involving themselves whether you want them to be or not. The tough part is having them involved when you want them to be, and having them give you some space when you don’t.
First, let’s look at the possible pros and cons of parent involvement:
Pros of Having Your Parents Come With You
- They have more experience than you and can often give valuable insight into the buying process
- Parents look at things from a different perspective and may pick up onaspects you might have missed, saving you time, money and frustration
- Generally, parents have their kids best interest at heartand it’s always good to have people like looking out for you
- Most people tend to feel more confident in a purchase like this, if their parents agree that it’s the right move
- If they are helping pay for your home they may insist upon coming
Cons of Having Your Parents Come With You
- Parents can be overbearing and might not realize that you’re the one who’s in charge of this decision, and you’re the one who needs to live with the outcome
- It’s hard enough to find the right home when you only have one or two people that need to agree. Adding more people’s opinions can sometimes lead to more confusion and doubt
- It’s hard to not give significant weight to your parents opinion. That said, their opinion is just that, an opinion and it’s not always the right one
- We have a natural tendency to assume that our parents are always right. If we don’t agree, we assume that we’re wrong and this can lead to a lack of confidence, which is what we’re trying to avoid
- If they are helping pay for your home they may insist upon coming
I know what you’re thinking, everything I’ve told you so far is already stuff you know! So what’s the answer? Should we involve our parents, yes or no?
Here’s what I think:
I think you should seek your parents advice for recommendations on building your team (real estate agents, lawyers etc.), assuming they have a recommendation.
Then, I suggest you go through the ‘shopping’ process on your own (or of course with your partner, if you’re making the purchase together). It’s my experience, that you need to decide exactly what you’re looking for and visit those homes by yourself (and/or with your significant other), free of other’s judgements and opinions.
Once you’ve found the house that you believe the be the right one, then ask your parents if they’d like to come see it with you.
What’s really important about this process is how you weight your parents concerns.
The feedback that you’re after here isn’t their opinion on the colour of the walls. By this point, you’ve decided that you can afford the house, you like the physical appearance of the house and can see yourself living there, you’ve considered the neighborhood and all the other important elements.
What you’re seeking now, is to have them point out what you might have missed.
It’s possible, that due to your excitement, there are a few things you might have overlooked. As such, it could be helpful to have these pointed out before you move ahead with an offer.
Parents are a couple steps further removed from the process, so it’s possible they’re able to pick up on things you might have missed. The key is: don’t get defensive if they have some questions or if their comments feel critical. Evaluate and consider their concerns and then make your own decision.
At the end of the day, YOU need to be happy with this home, not them or anyone else for that matter.
Everyone always has an opinion and it’s your job to take in all of the information and make the best decision for you. I know this can be hard at times, but you’ve put in a lot of effort into educating yourself on this process and you need to be confident in your decision.
